I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
