Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
