It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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