Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
