Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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