Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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