Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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