I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
