sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
