Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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