I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
