i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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