Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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