well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
