So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
