So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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