Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
