Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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