what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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