the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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