I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
