Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
