he wants to bone in the snuggie
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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