ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
