The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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