Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
