the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need a beard to bite.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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