i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize