phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I want to fling myself into the sun
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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