I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize