there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize