He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
