You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
