I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
