yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
