have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
