did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize