I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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