I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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