Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
