I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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