he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
