She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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