I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
