i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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