Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
