Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
