so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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