why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
this hospital has no fireball
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
