You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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