Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize