Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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