This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
