Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
