apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
