we have officially lost it.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
