remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
