no, he came in my armpit
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize