I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
