Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
