I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
