You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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