Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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