I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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