hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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