"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
