Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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