Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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