Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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