Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
