I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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