So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
